And Possibly Your Partner
The author Amy Sutherland wanted to improve her relationship by improving her husband.1
Ignoring a library of advice books, she nagged him, unintentionally making her husband’s behaviour worse.
They tried counselling but gave up when the counsellor complimented them on how well they communicated.
She resigned herself to “stretches of slow-boil resentment and occasional sarcasm”1 until researching for a book about a school for exotic animal trainers.
Amy then wondered if the same techniques being used by the trainers could be used on her husband.
Thinking of him as an exotic species gave her the distance required to consider their differences with greater objectivity.
She adopted the trainers’ motto: “It’s never the animal’s fault”.
When her training attempts failed, she didn’t blame her husband, preferring to think up new strategies.
She dissected her own behaviour and considered how her actions might inadvertently fuel his.
Amy also accepted that some of his behaviours were too entrenched, too instinctive, to train away.
Her approach is a good guide for improving a client or partner relationship. Some of the key points are:
- Start with an intention to create positive change.
- Be motivated.
- Stay open to learning new ideas and skills.
- Step outside the relationship to think about it objectively.
- Replace blame when things fail with new strategies that might work.
- Reflect on your part in the relationship.
- Accept that some things are beyond change.
So don’t wait to start training your clients.
You can kick off early in the relationship.
Most clients want to get the best from an adivsors and suppliers. Instead of the usual agency induction/onboarding, consider varying it to focus on exactly how your client can get the best from you.
This can shift the usual functional credentials and process discussion towards the important stuff; the relational elements that can either strengthen or create unnecessary friction with your clients.
Regular feedforward (see – Feedback or Feedforward) based on observations of behaviour can then reinforce useful, positive behaviours and reduce negative or unhelpful ones.
TOP TIPS
- What difference would it make if all your clients were improved?
- You now know what’s at stake by training them.
- Which of your individual clients get the best from you? Which the worst? What’s the difference?
- Simply by thinking about this you can start to develop a training plan.
- What’s the agency plan for training the client grads? These are the senior clients of the future and helping them to develop can build long-term loyalty.
REFERENCES
1. Sutherland, A. (2006). ‘What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage’. https://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/what-shamu-taught-me-about-a-happy-marriage.html. Accessed December 14, 2019.
