The Everyday Opportunity to Miscommunicate With Your Colleagues and Clients
I struggled for an hour writing an email yesterday. Although the result wasn’t as eloquent as I would have liked, it covered the ground well enough. I was, however, uncertain about how my email would land so I turned to a colleague for his comment.
You have probably heard of the 7–38–55 rule of communication: 55% of our total communication is delivered by body language, 38% by vocal signals and the last 7% delivered by words.1
While this rule is an often misquoted, misunderstood, misused and challenged,2 it points to a fundamental weakness of relying on email to effectively communicate anything other than straightforward facts.
The problem with us humans is that we have been wired to construct, transmit, receive and decode messages using the full range of our cognitive and emotional skills.
Words stripped of emotional context are sufficient only to pass instruction, for example, between air traffic controllers and pilots, or factual information, like a budget or timeline.
If working relationships were based on facts alone then emails might be a sufficient communication channel. But relationships with colleagues and clients are based on both transactional and relational elements. (See – Problem A and Problem B.)
So facts alone are not enough. Worse still, because only a small percentage of communication is provided by words themselves, the potential for confusion and subsequent back-and-forth emailed ‘conversation’ is high.
Without emotional cues, the potential for negative reactions leading to wasted time and energy is also ever-present.
When meeting with a colleague or client in person, the crudity and clumsiness of email becomes clear. Micro-expressions – the involuntary facial expressions that briefly appear on a person’s face according to the emotions being experienced3 – add meaning and accuracy to messages. Throw in body language and voice and communication becomes fast and way more accurate than an email, however well crafted.
During successful conversations, speakers’ and listeners’ brains show joint, temporarily-coupled response patterns, indicating rapport that, in turn, helps to build trust.4
When you find yourself replying for the third time in an email exchange, it’s probable that the issue can’t be resolved easily or quickly by email.
So pick up the phone.
You now have a chance for clarity, a chance to defuse any negative feeling that may have built up through the exchange itself.
It doesn’t matter that the person you’re calling is in a different time zone. A few hours’ lost sleep at this stage could save you sleepless nights later on.
I didn’t send the email. Instead, I have a call this week and the opportunity to open an effective dialogue.
Top Tips
Email can be a good when…
- Trying to get in touch with someone who is hard to reach.
- The information in the message is not time-sensitive; email is instantaneous, but that does not mean the receiver will open it instantly.
- Sending someone an electronic file.
- Distributing information to a group of people quickly.
- You need a written record of the communication.
Email is not so good when…
Your message is long and complicated or requires additional discussion.
- The information is highly confidential; email is never 100% private.
- Your message is, or could be, perceived as being emotionally charged or needs tone to avoid being misconstrued.
SUGGESTIONS
-Our minds operate by implicit inference. To understand others’ agendas or to avoid being deceived, we look for the hidden meaning. So, make any emails you have to write simple, clear and direct.
-To help your email to land well, soften the ground with words that demonstrate empathy towards the recipient.
-Respond speedily. Just as you would in a conversation. Otherwise it will feel to the other person as though you are ignoring them.
-Get on a call or meet as quickly as possible.
-If you want a specific response be clear about this and direct your email only to those from whom you want a reply.
-Before you push send on an email that could be misconstrued, place it in the drafts box for 24 hours and check it with a colleague too.
REFERENCES
- Mehrabian, A. (1971/1981). Silent messages: implicit communication of emotions and attitudes. 2nd ed. Belmont, Calif., Wadsworth.
- https://www.bl.uk/people/albert-mehrabian?gclid=CjwKCAiAlb_fBRBHEiwAzMeEdsg1mgG8Z7VJlIEHmrZPwZx_cTaaCpb5QSzykxX5wFcD9LdwNu2uOxoCY6cQAvD_BwE Accessed Nov 17, 2018
- Matsumoto, D. & Hwang, H, S (2011). Reading facial expressions of emotion. Science Brief, May. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2011/05/facial-expressions Accessed July19, 2020..
- Stephens, G. J. Silbert, L. J . Hasson, U. Speaker-listener neural coupling underlies successful communication. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 10 August 2010, Vol.107(32), pp.14425-30
